Content note: This page discusses emotional and psychological abuse, including coercive control. Some readers may find this activating or difficult. Please take your time, and step away if you need to. If you are in immediate danger, call 999. Narcissistic abuse describes a pattern of emotional and psychological harm — and sometimes financial or physical control — carried out by someone who uses manipulation, entitlement, or dominance to maintain power in a relationship. It does not require a diagnosis. It refers to behaviours — not labels — and can occur in any relationship where one person consistently undermines another’s autonomy, boundaries, or sense of self. This form of abuse is often subtle and hidden behind charm, confidence, or social respectability. The underlying dynamic is control rather than connection. Common behaviours associated with narcissistic abuse People who have experienced this form of harm often describe patterns such as: • Lack of empathy — dismissing or minimising your feelings or needs • Projection — accusing you of the very behaviours they are engaging in • Blame‑shifting — making you feel responsible for their actions • Victim‑playing — positioning themselves as the one who has been wronged • Narcissistic rage — explosive or cold reactions when their control is challenged DARVO DARVO stands for Deny, Attack, Reverse Victim and Offender. It describes a pattern where someone denies wrongdoing, becomes defensive or aggressive, and then reframes themselves as the victim. This can be deeply confusing and destabilising. Push‑pull and control tactics These behaviours often create cycles of confusion, dependency, and false hope: • Love‑bombing and devaluation — intense affection followed by criticism or withdrawal • Future faking — making promises that are not kept • Moving the goalposts — constantly changing expectations • Reel‑ins and false reconciliations — using charm, guilt, or crises to pull you back in • Gaslighting — making you question your memory or perception • Guilt‑tripping — using guilt to influence your choices • Emotional invalidation — dismissing or ridiculing your feelings • Withholding — withdrawing affection, communication, or information • Covert aggression or shaming — subtle put‑downs or passive‑aggressive behaviour • Intimidation — using threats or body language to instil fear • Sabotage — undermining your work, relationships, or goals • Exploitation — using your time, energy, or resources without regard for your needs • Manipulating others — involving friends, family, or colleagues to pressure or monitor you • Triangulation — using others to create jealousy or confusion • Stonewalling — shutting down communication • Silent treatment — ignoring you to destabilise or punish • Smear campaigns — spreading falsehoods to damage your reputation • Isolation — cutting you off from support • Financial control — restricting access to money or undermining your stability These behaviours often appear in cycles — mixing charm with cruelty, closeness with withdrawal. Over time, they can erode confidence, distort reality, and leave someone feeling anxious, ashamed, or disconnected from themselves. If this resonates with you At The Echo Society, we understand narcissistic abuse as a serious and often invisible form of relational harm. If any of this feels familiar, it may be helpful to explore these patterns at your own pace. You are not alone, and what you experienced is not your fault.